Casual dating's a funny one in this country. We're not as blunt about it as the Americans, not as structured about it as the French, and most of the time we'd rather just let things "happen naturally" than actually talk about what we're doing. Classic British move, that. But roughly 40% of single people in the UK say they're up for dating casually, and pretending it's not a thing doesn't help anyone.
So this is for lads who want casual connections — dates, flings, friends-with-benefits, whatever doesn't come with a five-year plan — and want to do it without being a tosser about it. Honestly, respectfully, and in a way where everyone has a good time.
Just Be Honest. Seriously.
This is the one thing most men balls up, and it's the most important part. If you want something casual, say so. Not in a sleazy way, not hidden in some vague euphemism. Just be straight about it early on. Something like "I'm not looking for anything serious right now, but I'd love to meet up and see if there's something there" — direct, not aggressive.
And look, this isn't just about being a good person (though it is). It's practical. When you're upfront, you filter out the people who want something different before anyone gets hurt or wastes their time. And you attract the people who want the same thing — which means better chemistry, less drama, and way more fun for both of you. Everyone wins.
Where to Find Casual Dates
The big apps are losing ground here. People are knackered of the swipe-and-ghost routine. More and more folk are looking for platforms where you can actually browse real people and connect without all the gamification bollocks.
Kommons is built around this. You browse members near you — England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland — and connect with people who are genuinely there to meet someone. Not to collect followers, not to boost their ego. To actually meet up.
Offline options are just as valid, obviously. Our guide to meeting women without apps covers that side of things — social events, hobby groups, nights out, all the usual.
The Unwritten Rules
Every country does casual differently. Here's how it works in Britain:
Keep It Low-Key
First casual meetup shouldn't be a three-course dinner at somewhere with cloth napkins. A drink at a decent pub, a walk along the canal, catching a gig — that's the vibe. Relaxed, no pressure, easy to leave if it's not clicking. Save the big dates for when you're both actually invested.
Learn to Read the Room
British women tend to be subtle. Eye contact that lingers, leaning in, finding reasons to touch your arm — good signs. Phone-checking, one-word answers, leaning away — not good signs. Pay attention to what someone does, not just what they say, because the British politeness thing means someone might tell you "this is lovely" while secretly wanting to climb out the bathroom window.
Don't Be Clingy About It
There's a sweet spot between "keen" and "overbearing" and you need to find it. Message when you've got something to say. Reply within a reasonable time. Don't spiral if she takes a few hours to get back to you. The whole point of casual is that it's easy and low-pressure. If you're tracking her response times, you've already lost the plot.
Boundaries Are Non-Negotiable
Shouldn't need saying, but here we are. Consent is ongoing, boundaries should be talked about not guessed at, and "casual" doesn't mean "anything goes." If anything, casual stuff needs more explicit communication because there's less of a relationship framework to fall back on. Our safety guide goes into more detail on this.
Have the Chat
After you've met up a couple of times, you need to have a quick conversation about what this is. Doesn't have to be a big dramatic "what are we" moment. Just a casual check-in:
"I'm really enjoying this. Just want to make sure we're on the same page — I'm happy keeping things casual for now. How are you feeling?"
Takes thirty seconds. Prevents weeks of confusion and hurt feelings. If she wants the same thing, brilliant. If one of you is catching feelings and the other isn't, better to know now than find out three months in when someone gets properly hurt.
When It's Done, Be Decent
Casual things end. That's literally the point. When it happens, just be a grown-up about it. "I've had a great time but I think we've run our course" is infinitely better than slowly ghosting someone over two weeks. Ghosting is cowardly, and Britain's a small country — you will see them in Tesco at some point.
End things well and you've both had a good experience. End things badly and, well, at least you were honest. Either way you can look at yourself in the mirror.
Get Going Then
Enough reading about it — have a browse of who's near you on Kommons and see if anyone catches your eye. Not sure what to say once you find someone? Our first message guide has you covered. And if your profile needs work, the profile writing guide will sort that out.